I know there haven’t been many posts on here lately. But it’s for a good reason, well several good reasons really. One of which is because life is
just busy sometimes, okay MOST of the time. But the biggest reason? It’s because God has been slowly, faithfully, changing my heart. Really. You see, I started this blog out of a place of frustration, overwhelm, and needing a place to just sort my #crazymomlife thoughts out. And it has been great for that. But along the way, God has gently brought me to a place where the frustrations are fewer and the overwhelm is quieting down. Really. But before I get to the happy ending, let me get real with you, this road has had several bumps in it.
There was a time, okay more like a year, after my second child was born that I struggled. Like really struggled. Like wanting to “just-leave-it-all-behind” struggled. It was a dark time and the harsh effects of Post Partum Depression were real. Really real. So real that I didn’t really realize how bad it had gotten until one day the cloud started to lift a little and only then did I realize just how much I was struggling. Even now, when I look back on that time in my life, there are just big black holes in my memory that I can’t recall all the details of. When your brain is struggling to just survive, it has a harder time holding on to precious memories of little milestones along the way. It’s scary, and a little sad.
But what is even scarier, and whole lot sadder, is that some of you who know me personally just found out about this right now. You see I struggled and suffered mostly in silence. And it’s not because I didn’t have resources, I DID. I have a wonderful husband, Mom, family, and friends. I was part of several wonderful support circles at church and in the community. And YET, I never reached out to any of them. I never shared my struggle, until now.
I wanted to keep up appearances. I didn’t want to admit that I was hurting as bad as I really was. I was trying so very very hard to maintain. Because in my clouded brain I thought that maybe if everyone else thought I was doing okay, then maybe I was. If I didn’t have to admit that I was failing maybe I really wasn’t failing that bad. Besides, wasn’t this just part of the deal, anyway? Sweet Momma, it doesn’t have to be.
Even after starting this blog, I never really shared about this, well, until today. I thought I could just share about some of the hard times, because everyone has hard times sometime. People didn’t need to know how bad it was, just focus on the little hurdles and how I got over those. And it doesn’t really matter, in the big scheme of things, that I struggled with this because I’m not struggling like that anymore.
But really, that’s just another way of hiding.
And hiding NEVER helps anything or anyone.
And I truly want to help. Really. I’m not sharing this to have other people feel sorry for me. I’m not sharing this to have other people think I’m really strong for pulling myself out of the pit. Honestly, I’m not even really sharing this for anyone else. But I feel like God has been slowly nudging me to open up, honestly, about this part of my life that I tried so hard to hide. And I have to be honest before God, because after all, He knows what I’m thinking anyways, so I’m not really hiding anything anyway. (Psalm 139:2)
God has been saving me from myself for as long as I’ve know Him. He’s like that, you know. He’s in the saving business! But He has been showing me that He has really called me out of this darkness and into His marvelous light for a reason. 1 Peter 2:9 says “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” And that, first and foremost, is what I want to do. Praise HIM! HE was the one that saved me. He gave me other tools and helps along the way, but it was HIM who held my life in His hands and kept my hands off it.
Just as Psalm 116 says, when I was brought low, HE saved me. The LORD delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk in the land of the living. And it’s an every day sort of saving. I still have hurdles, I still have tears, I still stumble, BUT GOD. God helps me get back on the right path.
But He doesn’t want to just save ME, He wants to save the whole world! I want this blog to be a vessel that HE can use to reach those of you who need His comfort.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” ~2 Corinthians 1: 3-7
So take heart, Momma. If He can save me, and He has, He will do the same for you, if you ask Him to. There will still be trying days, there always are, but they are easier. You are NOT alone.
I do want to give you resources. There is help for you out there. Just reach out, even when you don’t really want to, because trust me, the other people in your life want you to.
- PPD Moms: full information about postpartum depression
- Suicide.org: a nonprofit specializing in prevention, awareness, and support
- Crisis Text Line: You can even simply text HOME to 741741 any time 24/7 to get real live help, in the moment. Because we all know it’s impossible to talk on the phone.
But really, the BEST resource I know of and have used, is simply JESUS. He’s available 24/7, you don’t even need to text or call or make an appointment. And the best part is, you don’t have to explain your struggles to Him, He already knows, and He’s been waiting for you to reach out. HE has the power to heal and to help. It’s all by HIS power, not our own, and HE will see you through it.
Has this helped you? Let me know in the comments below! Do you still have questions, or need more resources? Let me know in the comments below! Do you have something that you too want to share? Let me know in the comments below!