It was the third “accident” today. In this same spot. Four overall if you count the time she peed outside on our patio steps. Plus the cat joined in the fun and vomited on the carpet too. I had gone through an entire roll of paper towels already-just today- and this was the final straw.
As I was angrily trying to sop up the mess on the floor, I was having just as much trouble sopping up the mess in my heart. I was angry. Again. I was trying not to be angry. Again. I was trying to not take it personally. But I was Failing. Again…
“Take every thought captive” I urged myself. “Slow to anger” I reminded myself. “Be kind and compassionate“, “humble yourself“, and a whole slew of other scriptures tried to break through my cold hearted self. But none of it was sinking in. I just kept getting lost in my grumbling. “Why is she doing this?” “She’s been doing so good!” “Why can’t she just take 10 more steps and make it to the potty?” “All she has to do is ask for help”
And then one little thought cracked through. “This is what your sin is like to me.”
Wait, what? Really?
And then I put my mirror glasses on. Why do I keep sinning? Why can’t I get my act together? Why haven’t I just asked God for help, when I need it, rather than waiting and causing an accident?
But then I was reminded of His promise to wash us “as white as snow”. And I was thankful for His forgiveness, but I still had a real life mess to clean up too. (I told you, this is REAL life, not the ‘suddenly everything’s perfect’ crap you see everywhere else.) So I just asked Him. I let it all out.
I know I shouldn’t let something as stupid and as shallow as the appearance of my carpets be reflection of my self worth, but it was sure hard not to. I knew God loved me, still loves me, will always love me, but I was still pushing Him away. The more I tried to not get upset and to calm down, the madder I’d get and the harder the tears would fall. And then the baby started crying… And then the toddler started crying… And my poor unsuspecting husband was going to be coming home through those doors any minute…
So I just stopped and stood up. I called out to God, out loud, through my clinched teeth, and asked for peace and joy. It was all I could figure out to do. Yes, the toddler just looked at me like I was crazy (which was fair) but it did quiet everybody down. For a second. The joy didn’t come until later, but the small breath of peace did come. Just like I needed it to. Just when I needed it to.
As far as resources for this post (in keeping with the R.E.A.L. mentality) I don’t have many. I mean, Brawny paper towels are pretty good, and these pet carpet cleaners work great. But the best resource I have is to just encourage you to call out to God. Exactly where you are, exactly when you need Him. Even out loud when you need to.
Because HE is all we need. Really.
- Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe.
- Sin had left a crimson stain,
- He washed it white as snow.
Now back to my poor carpet…